Are We Ever Satisfied?
​Lessons from Hamilton, Ashley Madison, and the 10 Commandments

"You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied

I'm sure I don't know what you mean

You forget yourself

You're like me, I'm never satisfied

Is that right?

I have never been satisfied"

Hamilton, Satisfied by Lin-Manuel Miranda

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What does it mean to be satisfied? Moments of satisfaction are woven into our daily lives, from the joy of cleaning out a cluttered closet, to the sense of accomplishment after completing a long-awaited work project, or the exhilaration following a challenging workout. Then there's the overarching feeling of being satisfied as a baseline. Those who seem to have the most freedom often share a common trait: they have enough. Yet, for many, the idea of having 'enough' can be unsettling. A part of us feels secure, while another part yearns for more. Are we constantly in pursuit of satisfaction, only to find that there's always something more to desire?

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Thou Shall Not... Embedded in the human condition lives desire. Desire breeds wanting, yearning, and encourages our imagination. Desire shows up intensely, leading people to behave far outside their values. The docuseries Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies, and Scandal exhibits how people act explicitly outside their values to live a different version of themselves. In the series, Sam and Nia, a Christian, influencer couple living in Texas, portray as family-oriented, steeped in religious values, and present as an idyllic wholesome couple. Sam holds the secret that he had been on Ashley Madison for years before disclosing his transgressions to Nia. How could someone ingrained in religious values commit treason against Commandments 2, 7, and 10? My answer to this question: having the rules strongly ingrained makes the forbidden more enticing. Often, we look for logic, but desire doesn't stem from logic; it stems from the imaginary potential of how one could feel aliveness.

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I've been in the room when people explore questions about their own lovability through the lens of their partner.

"Aren't I good enough? Why would he need to have an affair?"

"If I really mattered to her, she wouldn't drink to obliteration every night."

"Oh what, you love your job more than me? Who will be there when you can't work anymore?"

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The reality: It has nothing to do with them. Sure, the relationship may play a factor, but that's not the whole story. People often engage in activities they themselves thought they would never do. When it happens, they are surprised at how reckless they could be. Yet, recklessness keeps the excitement intact. Most of us know what it felt like as teenagers to sneak out of the house, drink at parties as underage kids, and do things that we hoped our parents would never find out. Part of the fun is knowing we're breaking the rules, experiencing a sense of freedom, knowing consequences could be around the corner, and being willing to take the risk anyway.

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A level of dissatisfaction can serve as a motivator toward improvement. When the dissatisfied part seeks euphoria, actively turns a blind eye to the demise of ourselves and relationships, and chooses unawareness to keep the destructive pattern going, we've lost ourselves to an addictive part that, like Hamilton, will never be satisfied.

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In Satisfaction,

Brittani

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