"I haven't the slightest interest in being happy. I prefer to live life passionately, which is dangerous because you never know what might happen next."

Paulo Coelho, Adultery

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We seek passion in our love lives, only to be restrained by daily tasks, traumas, dramas, taxes, and mortality. We yearn for the euphoric eroticism of Eros and the security of love in one person. We used to seek transcendence in spiritual realms, and now we look for transcendence in romance, marriage, work, parenting, and substances. With the human experience comes a force to be reckoned with: Eros.

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In Greek mythology, Eros, the beautiful son of Zeus and Aphrodite, represents the god of desire, lust, and physical attraction. Eros shoots arrows that make mortals fall in love, sparking romance and desire. This charming, handsome character is known for his mischievous ways, making him unpredictable. As a character, Eros represents a kind of passion we may have all experienced: an excitement that makes your heart race, thoughts run wild, and a firey thrill.

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Paulo Coehlo's book Adultery tells the tale of Linda, a woman in her 30s living in Switzerland, a mother of two, an established journalist, and married to her husband, who owns a large investment fund, making him one of the wealthiest people in Switzerland.

"Today I am a woman torn between the terror that everything might change and the equal terror that everything might carry on exactly the same for the rest of my days." This quote illustrates the protagonist's internal battle of two fears.

From the title, you can guess what the book is about. Yet, there are other messages that tales of affairs and adultery tell us about human nature: People will risk safety to feel alive. Eros, the mischievous character who enjoys going against all odds, breaking the rules, and living by desire, lives inside us. Some of us let Eros run wild, while others stifle passion to remain secure and in control. These two extremes depict an internal power struggle we have with Eros. The more we can understand our desires, drives, and values, the more we can harness life's passions without moral demise.

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Calibrating Eros. If you're unsure where you fall on the stifling/unleashing eros spectrum, your interpersonal relationships will give you insight. Often, the qualities that draw us to our romantic partners become the exact qualities that drive us crazy about them.

Your spontaneity draws me in, turns into your reckless behavior drives me up the wall.

I feel secure with you, turns into you're so predictable.

Your emotional side is attractive, turns into why are you so sensitive?!

I'm attracted to your ambition turns into your work always comes first.

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Each scenario says this: The part of you I was drawn to represents a part of me I've stifled and now resent. One partner's spontaneity requires the other to remain grounded for relational homeostasis. Predictability settles in, and now, each person plays a role they didn't consciously sign up for. However, they don't have to remain the same throughout a lifespan.

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Notice your role in your relationships. What role do you find yourself playing, and how do you want to change your role? Surprise yourself.

Maybe you're the one who initiates a date or says we're staying in when I push us to go out.

You may typically be at the office late, and one day you leave early unprompted.

You initiate alone time to talk about what's on your mind, when you're typically the activity person.

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Make it simple: Whatever you normally do, do close to the opposite.

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In the Spirit of Eros,

Brittani